All I want for Christmas is... YOU!

So this is Christmas.
About a month or so ago, when all the questions of "What do you want for Christmas?" began, I sat down one day to think about that very question. What do I want for Christmas? Socks, underwear, clothes, food? These are all things I need, but I have them all in abundance, heck I even have a job and I can afford to buy these things for myself. So I have what I "need", Then what do I "want"? A new Mini Cooper "S", Playstation 3, a new iPod? What good is any of that? I am just making a list for one reason only, so that people can buy me something. Why is our society so consumeristic? I don't really want any of that.
If you would have asked me a month ago what I wanted for Christmas, I would have told you that I have everything that I "need" and I would be selfish to make a list of things that I "want". Therefore, what I would have told you is that I want someone else in this world who is not as fortunate as I am to have what they "need" for Christmas. That is what I "want", I want others to have what they "need". So I made sure that everyone who was going to be getting me something for Christmas knew what I wanted and to get me something from MCC's Christmas Giving Project. (http://www.mcc.org/christmas/)
I hope and pray that my Christmas Present this year will help make a difference in this world.

The real reason for today...
What do I want for Christmas? Ask me today and I will tell you. I want something that was already given to me. I want the "gift" that I have had all along.
Have you ever remembered loosing one of your favorite toys growing up? You spend hours, days, and weeks looking for it. Then time goes by along with the sadness of loosing it, until you begin to forget you ever even had it. Then one day, there it is under your bed all along, everything comes back to you. You are filled with overwhelming joy. Possibly even greater joy than when you received the toy in the first place because now it has become much more to you.
That is how I feel. I have lost the importance of God's Love in my life. In the past Christmas's have gone by. They all seem the same. Christmas to me became this trite holiday, the same thing year after year, I knew the story, I knew the songs. What I was loosing though was the "real" reason. And I knew the "Sunday School" answer (Because God so Loved the world He sent his one and only Son).
Yesterday, the Christmas Eve service at my church spoke to me, to slow down, to look past all the "plastic" holiday traditions that we have put on Christmas, to listen to God, to reflect on the real reason of Christmas. In the stillness of that silent night 2000 years ago, God sent His Son. As I sat there reflecting I could not help but think that the Christmas Story is not any different than the Easter Story and that the two of them together make sense. Christmas time is the "beginning" It is God's love come to earth for us. We are not perfect and we will never be able to make our lives worthy enough for God. But because of His love for me, This Christmas I have received the BEST Christmas Present. It was not what I asked for, but it was what God knew I needed, His Love.

Back on Blogger and Ready to be Real.

Well, here I am, back in the world of blogging. Once again I am brought here mostly because of my friend Brandon. It is my friends like him that I care about and I want them to know what is going on in my life. Because he is thousands of miles away, this is how I can let a friend like him know what is going on in my life. This is my journal, this is my heart.

I am hurting. I have never reached a bottom in my life as deep as this. I never knew it could be this deep. Life is dark and lonely, it feels cold and empty. But in times like this, when we are stripped from everything that we held of importance in life, that God is present. There is nothing to see or hold to in darkness, only God's presence is known.
Why is it when we have all our cards lined up in "our order of importance" that we fall? Then the only card we have left to hold on to is God. He is faithful and will never leave us, even though we turn from Him. He wants "His Best" for our lives.
Why did I allow myself to become cold? Why did I turn my life from his path? Why was I not "real" with my best friends who care about me? God did not plan this, but He did allow it.
He has made himself known to me in the past and in High School I was baptized and chose to follow Him. He helps us along the way and guides us as we walk, but He will not strip us of our free will when we choose to walk off His path. He allows us to fall, but He is always there when we do. Will we turn to Him? In my case, yes, I have nothing. If I was to turn from Him also in a time like this then I would have nothing to live for. I thank God for His presence in my life. He not only cares about my life, but He cares about my eternity.
Will it be easy? Certainly Not. All of this that I have said is not easy. I miss my BEST FRIEND that I had. I hurt because the ones that I love are hurting (family and friends). I can only hope that my life will be a testimony to others. I pray that God will use me through this as He helps me through it. I am thankful for the love and support from family and friends in this time. I am thankful to God for His presence in my life and I pray for the many people in the world that go through hard times with no hope, I pray that God will be known to them.

"Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Give ear to my supplications in your faithfulness;
answer me in your righteousness.
Do not enter into judgment with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before you."
-Psalm 143

"Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning,
for in you I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul."
-Psalm 143

Thanks Brandon, and all my friends for their encouragement and support. I hope that I can be the same for all of you.
-Love Joseph